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My friend said it was funny. He has somehow found the words to share some of his most private thoughts and feelings with me, while I, the very "incarnation of openness", the writer, the dreamer, the poet, have gone days and nights for months now, utterly broken by my inability to find the perfect words to swirl my brush in and paint with.

It is in these moments that I am reminded again of just how fragile I can be. After all, while I am passionately in love with the idea of walking by faith and not by sight, I tend to scrunch my face up in such a way that I can still peek through the tiniest slits and watch to see if things are going the way I want them to.

I don't think that we realize often enough just how frail humanity truly is. We are temporary: mortal, easily broken, and brutally so, a tiny, flickering flame easily snuffed out by the smallest wind; a thin, fragile thread easily snapped and broken, blown away, forgotten and gone forever.

I am the girl who wants to love and to serve, to be the hands cupped around the flame as it threatens to give out, the fingers that hold the tiniest threads of life together at the moments when they are at their weakest. I want to weave the threads of life back together again, to save what would otherwise be lost. I want to heal: not just to mend injured flesh and broken brains and bones and bodies, but also broken hearts and souls. I want to serve in the times of greatest need, in the moments when people lie there, staring the harsh reality of their own frailty square in the face, to look into their eyes and treat them, even as I treat the illness riddling their body.

I am the girl who wants to study medicine. The more and more I delve into science and explore the wonders and mysteries of the human mind and body, the more and more convinced I am that there is indeed a God, a God who deliberately wired me with this passion so that I might use it to bring about healing. Maybe, in part, I would prefer not to believe that I struggled to wrap my mind around the physics of a world suddenly exploded into being some 14 billion years ago, or that I went through three reams of paper, eighteen packages of pencil lead, and six whiteboard markers memorizing the almost painfully similar structures and enzymes of a glycolytic pathway somehow perfected over millions of years of coincidence. The nuances of science aside, the brain, in particular, thrills me like nothing else; studying how different factors interact and interfere with each other to determine precisely which cell becomes a neuroblast and which of these cells becomes a neuron and which a glial cell leaves me standing in utter awe and amazement before God. I want more of this; I want more than this. I want more than simply science and understanding. I want to use what I know to serve others. I am the girl who wants to be God's, the girl who wants her hands to be God's; the girl who wants her fingers to dance in perfect concert over the keys alongside the gifted hands of the other nurses and doctors, an entire orchestra working together to unleash the beautiful symphony of healing.

I am the girl who knows just how beautiful and painful healing can be at the same time. I've been there; I know what it's like. I was the girl who reached out to help someone; I was the girl who got hurt instead. Today, I am the girl who is not afraid of being hurt. I am the girl who tries to find beauty even when the pieces are broken and small. I am the girl who celebrates vulnerability, but I am also the girl who struggles with humility. I am the girl who lives to learn; I am the girl who has much to learn. And I know that someday, everything I don't understand will be made clear. Someday, God will take in his hands the threads of what was once fragile and frail and weave it into something beautiful and strong. But until then, I'll keep the candle burning.

call me: Prissi
birthday: October 10
hobbies: piano, singing, songwriting, writing, reading, LiveJournal Support, looking up at the stars in silent awe
occupation: student physician, pianist, aspiring singer-songwriter, LiveJournal Support Administrator

food: anything home-cooked
soup: ham choi tong, cream-based soups
drink: honeydew milk tea with boba
dessert: ice-cream, strawberry mochi ice-cream
music genre: contempoary christian (CCM), praise, acoustic piano or guitar-based music
musical artists: Angela Aki, Nichole Nordeman, Bethany Dillon
bible verse: Zephaniah 4:17
movies: Patch Adams, Enchanted, Dreamer, I am Sam
musicals: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Wicked, bare: a Pop Opera
tv shows: House, Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother
quotes:

"Worship takes place, ideally, every day of our lives, in and through all that we do." -Bob Sorge

"Life is not so much about beginnings and endings as it is about going on and on and on. It is about muddling through the middle." -Anna Quindlen

"Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet which still clings fast to the heel that crushed it." -George Roemisch

anime: Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar
anime characters: Sugar from Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar, Usagi from Sailormoon

Temperament portrait from advisorteam.com

• idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intution, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom
  
• idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic
  
• idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials
  
• idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self - always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate", someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are rare, making up no more than 25 to 30 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.

Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

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